I realized last night that my heart actually flutters around you.
I’ve never had that before.
June 7th, 2012
I’m sitting here today in my stupor of exhaustion mixed with ultra-caffeinated beverages, and I’m simply thinking about where we’re at right now.
I’m looking back on our experiences together, specifically last weekend, and how we interact, and here are some things I’ve noticed about how we are:
- We love talking to each other. We spend a lot of our time talking to each other, and I don’t know about how you feel, but I know that every new thing I learn about you, I like. I feel like we still have a lot to figure out about each other, but I’m not opposed to this; I’m excited. I look forward to every new fact I get to learn about you, and every new experience I get to share with you.
- We love holding each other. Again, I can’t be sure this is true for you, but when we’re together you often hold me close to you, and my favorite thing is being able to wrap my arms around you too. We’re close in this way, and we’re comfortable.
- We’re timid. Not always, and not for long, but when we first see each other we don’t jump right into acting so comfortable and “together”. I’ve yet to get a kiss hello. We see each other and simply sit in an awkward silence for a few minutes until we break that awkwardness and kiss or hug or say “i missed you”.
Now, I’m not sure if the last one is happening because we aren’t official yet, or if we aren’t official yet because of the awkward motions of this action.
Either way, I can’t wait until these awkward hellos end.
I see you and I don’t want to come across as clingy or needy and scare you off, so I wait for you to initiate any affectionate actions.
But when I see you all I can think about is how much I have missed you and how badly I want to hold your hand, or kiss your lips, or be held in your arms.
Now I’m not trying to beg for an official relationship status. I’m not trying to push you into anything, and I really, truly do not mind where we’re at and how it’s going. I’m happy just to have you in my life, whether I can call you my “boyfriend” or not right now. I just want that to be clear. I’m not unhappy with the way things are going.
But I am also excited to someday be able to call this official.
I’m excited to call you mine.
I’m excited to be yours.
And I’m excited for you to be ready for this too.
Because I like you so much, and you even said you can see us lasting a long time.
Well I’m excited to start that time with you.
And I’m excited to see where it goes.
