So I’ve been spending a lot of time with you lately, and I could not possibly be happier.
I am constantly amazed that you actually like me.
I look at your face and I don’t even understand how I got here, next to you, being able to say I’m yours.
It seems surreal.
To feel your arms around me, to feel your lips press against my forehead whenever you get the whim to kiss me, to be able to run my fingers across your arm or interlock them with yours, and know that you’re holding me, that I’m safe in your arms, that I have your affection… It just doesn’t seem like real life.
I love you so much.
You are often goofy, outspoken, arrogant, confident, crude, and sometimes a bit immature, ignorant, and thoughtless. And I love every moment of it.
Because even when you are all of those things, you are still sweet, kind, gentle, compassionate, understanding, adorable, intelligent, loving, motivated, goal-oriented, wonderful, funny,
Perfect for me.
You are everything I have ever wanted in life.
You have all the same goals as me when it comes to the future;
Get a job, get an apartment, get married, start a family.
Recently my best friend expressed her concern to me about you: that it seemed like you wanted to spend your life close to home, that you wouldn’t want to move with me if I got offered my dream job in California or something and we were engaged/married. That I’d be “stuck” in Nashua for the rest of my life.
I’m not sure if she’s right, though I believe she is incorrect. I believe that if it was truly my dream to move somewhere and I got offered the ideal job and wanted to take it, you’d at the very least consider it, but likely be willing to move with me if it were that important to me. However, I will tell you exactly what I told her.
She does not understand how I work when it comes to this.
In her life, her number one goal and focus is her career. She wants to live in NYC, or LA, or Paris even, and become an actress or director, and I am proud of her for living out her dreams and striving for them. I am glad she has these goals, and I am glad she would be willing to do anything and move anywhere in the world to follow her dream of acting and directing. If she were offered an ideal job in Sri Lanka vs. a great job in Massachusetts, she would be on a plane to Sri Lanka in the drop of a hat.
In my life, however, the thing I have wanted more than anything is to end up with a wonderful man and start a family. I honestly don’t even care what I do as a career. I would LOVE to own a concert venue, it is my ideal situation, however I don’t need it in order to be happy. All I need is a loving husband and family to come home to every night.
And my family here, my parents and sister, are so important to me that I personally don’t desire to move too far away from home myself. I would love to live outside of Boston somewhere so I could potentially begin a venue in the city but be able to visit home whenever I wanted. So if I were offered the opportunity to own a concert venue in Los Angeles, CA, and it would make me a million dollars a year, but was also offered a job at a venue in Boston that would make me a comfortable salary, I would likely take the comfortable job in Boston.
And this would be regardless of whether I was in a serious relationship at the time. I have never had the desire to move far away from my home. I like where I grew up, I had a nice childhood here, and I know it would be a good place to raise my future children.
You can’t put a price tag on family, and I would not want to move so far away that I could never see my parents or sister, or watch my niece grow up and go on her first date, and go to prom, etc. I wouldn’t want my parents to never see their grandchildren, that would break my heart.
I would prefer to live close to home if I could get a decent job and afford a decent lifestyle.
However, if we are still together in the future, and you got offered your dream job elsewhere, I would be willing to move with you, because it would be important to you, and would help you feel accomplished in life, and thats what I want for you.
Now, Liz was concerned about this because in her mind she thought I wanted to take on the world and move to LA and have this rock n roll lifestyle because I love to work with bands, but she has no reason to have this concern. Because I think if it came down to it, we’d find some way to make it work, and I don’t want to live how she thought I did.
I want to live a simple life, waking up to the same person every morning, going to bed with them at night, raising a couple of kids and watching them grow, and having those family moments I had at home growing up.
It seems to me you want that too, and for that reason I can see us lasting. We have many of the same goals in that way, and there is plenty of time for further discussion about all of it, because we’re not planning our future together right now. However I do think of it from time to time, when I notice how you talk to my niece, or how you interact with children, or how you’re good at keeping up a home, and I know you’ll be a wonderful husband and father someday, and maybe it will be with me, maybe it won’t, but I think about it every now and then. And I think you do too.
I am telling you all of this because I want you to know that I think we could work together. I think we make a great team, and I could see us being a wonderful family someday.
You are truly not afraid of commitment, you have mentioned marriage to me a few times already and I haven’t even gathered the courage to tell you I love you yet.
I know that your mentioning isn’t hinting at anything, you aren’t trying to marry me anytime soon, and we aren’t at a place to discuss our future yet.
But today I was thinking about Liz’s concern as I sat on the couch watching Game of Thrones with you, snuggled up next to you, wearing your sweatshirt.
As I looked at you, I smiled.
Because I couldn’t believe you were actually here with me, holding me.
I couldn’t believe I was so lucky to find you during such a difficult time in my life, when I wasn’t even looking for anything/anyone.
I couldn’t believe just how happy you make me on a daily basis.
And I thought, this is perfect.
This moment, sitting here, listening to your heartbeat, feeling the warmth of your skin on mine,
this moment is what I want to last forever.
And in that moment I saw our future together, just for a brief second.
And it seemed like exactly what I have always imagined for my life.
A loving husband to put his arm around me as we watch our weekly shows and our 6 o’clock news.
Someone who will hold me when I feel sick, or sad, or hormonal.
Someone who will be happy living a simple life with me, starting our family and just being together.
And in that moment it was you.
So it will likely be a very long time until I let you read this, simply because I don’t want to scare you off with this type of talk.
But I want you to know that even now, I want to end up with someone like you. Because I think you’ll make someone so incredibly happy, and you’ll be the best husband and father, and if it happens to be with me, I hope I can be an equally great companion.
Because I do love you.
And I hope that I can make you as happy as you make me every single day.